March 2, 2011 3 Comments
So I am now almost three months into having Simone as my child. It’s been pretty cool, I must admit. Can you tell?
I think there are moments that we have in life that are pivotal. Birth, marriage, children, and death. That’s basically it. So you hear about it and you talk about it and you even go through it. But it doesn’t hit you until it hits you. And one day a few weeks ago it hit me.
I was standing in my old apartment in SF when it happened.
I had rented it out with a friend for a few years. It was a
beautiful very nice SF apartment with Golden Gate views and original hardwood floors. It sat at the top of the hill and was taller than any building around. The rooftop view was a 360-degree panorama of a typical San Francisco skyline. It had plenty of space and even yard access.
When it was time for me to move in with the future wife, I had to consider staying at that apartment or moving somewhere else. As it was, it was an awkward time…being comfortable living the bachelor life but knowing I was moving into a new stage life. As most guys won’t admit but probably felt, there can be excitement mixed with trepidation. Lots of trepidation.
On top of that was the fact that I wanted to keep the apartment that I was in. I was afraid I wasn’t going to get anything better. But the problem was getting my roommate out and my girlfriend in. Now we didn’t really want to get into a pissing match about it so we left it alone. I just moved out with the girlfriend to start anew. Of course, there was always a part of me that imagined living in this apartment with a family.
So there I was about a month ago, standing in that apartment, Simone is 2 months young. I think to myself “I could be living here with Simone and Shireen. This place would be great. blah blah.” But then I realized: if I had stayed at that apartment with Shireen, the chance of Simone being born has been completely obliterated.
Think about it: Had we stayed there our lives today would be different in slight ways. Maybe we would have had sex one day and not the next. The chance that it was boy or girl changed significantly. If it was a girl it would have been a different girl, and we may not have named her Simone….?
It made me think about alternate futures based on my actions or inactions. “What if I had gone to Cal instead of Davis?”: Different friends, different career path… “What if I had not worked at Oracle?”: Wouldn’t have met my future wife …. And that’s when it hit me.
I have no more regrets. Everything I have done up until this point in time has led me up to where I am today. And chance has given me the kid that I have. So therefore, I can’t regret or second guess anything I have ever done in my life up until that point in time.
If I had moved into that apartment, I wouldn’t have Simone. Not THIS Simone.
It was liberating. Kids are fucking cool.